p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
