you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
