you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
