He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize