mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
