Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
