You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
