How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
