How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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