If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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