How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
