fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
