Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
