I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
