You just made me feel so damn special
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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