I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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