He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
