New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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