I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize