So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
