Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize