She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
