Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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