And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
