Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize