I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
