Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
