I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
