How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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