then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
