FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
