I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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