I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
