i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
