I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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