You can't special order awesome
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
