Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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