I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
