where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
