quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
