If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
