My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I understand Curling. That high.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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