Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
