I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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