I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
