I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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