3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
