garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I seem to have left my pride at pride
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
