as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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