I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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