peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
