if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ttyl tear gas
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
