I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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