So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
