All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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