Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
