The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
