apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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