Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
