you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i will never coherently bang her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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