Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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