You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this boner is exhausting
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
