Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
