she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
