We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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