we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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