Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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