I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
