didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
