I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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