your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
