Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
