Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
