All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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