Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
