omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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