apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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