I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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