ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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