My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
