she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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