she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
