i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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