I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
