Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
