just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
