I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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