She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
