I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
