Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
