one two three fourrrrnication!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So squirting runs in the family.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
