He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
