At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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