I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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