You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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