she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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