I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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