Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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